


bury me in armour (when i'm dead and hit the ground)

by DrowningInStarlight



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Big Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Heavy Angst, Team Bonding, i'm very sad, so all aboard the angst train!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 14:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19465747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningInStarlight/pseuds/DrowningInStarlight
Summary: In the aftermath, there's space to grieve.





	bury me in armour (when i'm dead and hit the ground)

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR THE ROME ARC. 
> 
> apologies for the sad crimes. 
> 
> title from violet hill by coldplay.

It was Azu who heard him crying. He was grateful for that, at least-- if he had to disturb someone, then better it was Azu than these battle worn soldiers he'd come home to find the others had become. And, well, it's not like the rest of his friends were around anymore. Or ever would be again. He'd never see them again. Oh, oh no, oh-- 

Still, he tried so hard to stay quiet, to muffle his sobs between his hands, even as he heard the sounds of Azu getting up from across the room. They were holed up in an only slightly ruined building across the street, unable to stand being in the particular ruin they'd lost Grizzop and Sasha too for a moment longer. The others were close by, but they'd given Hamid and Azu their space. That was good, the one mercy about all of this-- being left alone to rest, if only for a night. The perks of half your friends being dead. His pillow was damp with tears.

Azu knelt by the pile of blankets he was using as a bed. She had her own blanket draped around her shoulders, and her face was wracked with guilt and loss. He'd never seen her like this before, but ever since they stepped out of that twisted portal her warm eyes had been dull, something in them lost along with Grizzop and Sasha. Hamid had wondered if he had the same look in his eyes, but he didn't have the courage to find out. 

"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time. There were tears in Azu's eyes, too, reflecting the dusty red light. 

"Azu," Hamid began, and realised he had no words to offer her. There _were_ no words, not for this. 

Quietly he moved over, making as much room for Azu as he could in a bed made for a halfling. She gave a pale, watery imitation of a smile, and shuffled in beside him, wrapping half of her own blanket around his shoulders. He pulled it close.

"I miss them," he whispered, and his words were useless in their obviousness but he had to say them. He missed them, he missed them, he missed them. 

He would never see them again. 

"I'm so sorry, Hamid," Azu said, voice hitching. "I shouldn't have let go, I should have just... We could have used a rope or, or _something--_ I shouldn't have let go--" 

"It wasn't your fault," Hamid said dully. He wasn't certain of anything, adrift in this world that no longer quite felt like his own, but he was certain of _that._ "I don't blame you, and they-- they wouldn't either." 

She didn't respond. There weren't any words that would help with the guilt, they both knew it. 

Hamid laid his head on her chest and stared out at the dark room, eyes stinging with tears again. He could pick out exactly where Sasha and Grizzop would be if they were still here. The shadows near the door ("So I can hear anyone coming," Grizzop always said, "And shoot 'em in the kneecaps.") and in the back corner of the room (so Sasha could have her back to a wall, she'd taught him that when he'd first met her) seemed darker, people shaped voids that should have contained their companions. The emptiness so aching even the darkness could feel it. 

It reminded him of going home, where every corridor seemed cold and still without Aziza's laughter. It made him want to scream and scream and _scream_ until he had nothing left but dragon fire. He couldn't do this again. Not _again._ Not after Aziza, not after saving ( _breaking_ ) the world and Zolf leaving and gods, even _Bertie_ had died in the end-- 

Oh. 

"It's just me," he said aloud. "I'm the only one left." 

Azu looked at him. 

"Of the old crew. The London Rangers, we're still working on the--" his voice broke. He could hear Sasha in his head as he finished, "--still working on the name. It's just me left. Gods, what am I doing wrong? Why do they all die or go away? What am I _doing_?" he looked up at Azu, who looked back at him. "It'd be safer for you to leave, you know. Go home to see your family or _something._ Anything." 

"What would you do, then?" she said softly. 

"Take Ishaak home, then... I don't know. Maybe join whatever resistance Saira's organising." Maybe then he could actually do some good, out on some battlefield of a street, hunting down dead eyed people so their families wouldn't have to. Fire boiled under his skin, it seemed wrong not to use it-- after all, early deaths were kind of the LOLOMG's style, weren't they? 

Azu just quietly shook her head. "I'm not leaving you, Hamid. Not like this." 

"You should," he said, but there was no energy behind it. He was so tired. Was this how Zolf had felt, before he'd fled? He wished he could apologise, tell him he finally understood. But it was far too late for that. Azu had never even met Zolf. And now Sasha and Grizzop were gone, and the world was ending. It was far too late for everything. 

It was strange to picture Grizzop being dead. He was the most alive person Hamid had ever met, always energetic, always moving. Hamid loved him, even though he had never understood him. Never would understand him, now. And Sasha... 

Gods, _Sasha_. 

"You know, I promised-- I promised Brock I'd look after Sasha," he said. "And she didn't need it, she never needed it until _now_ , when I failed. The one time she needed help and I _failed._ "

"You were her friend," Azu said, voice thick. "I think she needed that." 

"Azu, I can't do this again," he said numbly. "I can't lose another sister. Fuck, not again."

Azu just pulled him close as he cried. The words they needed had died along with Grizzop and Sasha, and Hamid found himself wishing he had too.

**Author's Note:**

> :'(


End file.
